


The White Lilies

by lily_flower



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Love, Magic, Music, jily, lames
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7861990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_flower/pseuds/lily_flower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow my tumblr, Jily-evans-potter<br/>http://jily-evans-potter.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote>





	1. Summer of '76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow my tumblr, Jily-evans-potter  
> http://jily-evans-potter.tumblr.com/

It was mid-August 1976, and Sirius had moved in with the Potters. Peter had shown up last week and he was planning to stay for the rest of the summer. Remus was the only one missing; the three boys were expecting him to arrive later that day.  
James’ parents were at work leaving the three boys alone. The boys all sat on the floor learning a muggle card game that Peter was teaching. Sirius was no longer listening to Peter; he was more interested in the record he had put on. Records became Sirius’ favourite muggle invention a few years ago when Lily had received a record player for her 14th birthday. She had put it in the common room for all of the Gryffindors to enjoy and Sirius soon became obsessed with the Beatles.  
“Sirius, are you listening?” Peter said  
“Oh yeah right, so who starts?”  
“Never mind, it’s not worth explaining again,” Peter said sounding slightly frustrated  
“Sorry Pete but you know muggle stuff’s lost on us,” James said  
“Not when Evans is telling you about it,” Peter said teasing James.  
James rolled his eyes “No offence but she’s just more interesting than you Pete.”  
Before Peter got to respond a red 1960 Plymouth Fury convertible pulled up in front of James’ house. Sirius jumped to his feet and ran out the door to greet the last marauder. The other two followed him out the door. Finally, James spoke.  
“What in bloody hell is this?”  
“My car,” Remus responded, “Got my license a few weeks ago and my parents surprised me with this car.”  
“Brilliant,” Sirius said under his breath.  
“We all know how much Sirius will want to go for a ride,” James said mocking the fact that Sirius’ animagus is a dog.  
“We can do that later but let me at least get in the door first.”  
They all went in and Remus set his stuff down in the living room. Sirius immediately dragged them out to the car. Remus sat on the driver’s side, with Sirius on the left. James sat behind Sirius and Peter behind Remus.  
“Where are we going?” Remus asked while starting up the car.  
“There’s a muggle town about 40 kilometres from here, we could go there. Or we could go to London but that’s a pretty long drive but my parents won’t be home tonight so we could stay the night.” James said trying to be helpful.  
“Why can’t we do both?” Sirius said ready for an adventure.  
“Well we could but there in opposite directions,” James responded  
“I vote at least start in the muggle town,” Peter said.

~~

 

The boys agreed and were soon driving down the road to a town called Clokeworth. They arrived 40 minutes later. It was nearly 6:00 but you would have thought it to be later, no one walked the streets and most of the stores were closed. They drove around until they found a park and decided to stop. Remus stopped the car and pocketed the keys. They all got out and looked around.  
“This place is kinda scary,” Peter said sounding spooked.  
“It’s all right, I’ve never been here but my parents come here whenever they need muggle stuff. At least it’s a nice day.” James said looking around.  
The four boys went and sat on the swing set. In front of them was a large willow tree on top of the hill which James became interested in.  
“Look at the tree,” James said still staring at it. “Do you see someone up there?”  
The three boys all looked and indeed they saw what looked like to be a young boy. They all stood up from their swings and began to walk up the hill, as they got closer they realised they knew the boy sitting at the base of the tree. His nose almost touched the book he was reading and his black greasy hair was more matted than usual.  
“Snivellus,” James said when they got to the base of the tree.  
The boy dropped his book a looked up. He soon seemed terrified of the boys towering above him; he stood and was now the same height at the shortest marauder, Peter.  
“Why are you here?” Severus said looking up at James  
“The better question is why you’re here?”  
“I live here,” Severus said sounding confident.  
James’ heart sped up; he realised that he must be in the same town as Lily. James was no longer listening to the words flying between his three friends and Severus. He was instead looking at all the houses off in the distance wondering which one was hers. James was soon snapped back to reality.  
“Fuck off Snivellus,” Sirius said  
James then realised that Severus was on the ground curled up bleeding. Sirius kicked him one last time and told him to get the fuck out of here. Severus picked himself up and started to limp away. When James looked at the marauders he realised that Sirius caused most of the damage, his knuckles were covered in blood and his clothes had some red spots. James then saw that Remus was sitting on the ground holding a hand over his nose which appeared to be bleeding. Peter was trying to help Remus while Sirius made sure Severus was still walking away.  
“What just happened?” James said sounding clueless.  
“He said we couldn’t do shit without magic and continued to insult each of us. I punched him and he threw a punch at Moony.” Sirius said  
“What did he say about us?” James said.  
“He called you a desperate blood trader. He told Peter he has enough fat to make another person and he called me and Remus … fags.” Sirius said looking even angrier.  
“I don’t think I can drive,” Remus mumbled  
“It’s getting dark,” Peter added  
Lights started to line the streets and house lights were turning on. James sat down on the ground and continued to be distracted. The other three were working to clean themselves up but the blood had dried.  
“James, what are we going to do?” Peter said  
James thought and wanted to say that they should go knock on all the houses until they found Lily’s. He knew that none of them would go along with that idea. Then a small glowing light started moving up the hill toward them. When it reached the top of the hill all four boys recognised who it was.  
“Lily?” Peter said to the three marauders who all nodded.

~~

 

When she arrived at the base of the tree she was greeted by James who then explained what happened but changed a few of the details to make them sound better. He avoided repeating the insults for he thought that Sirius might punch him just like he punched Severus.  
“Let me look at you,” Lily said sitting next to Remus “So how did you all get here?”  
“Moony got a car,” Sirius said looking at Remus with concern.  
“Okay, well does anyone else have their licenses?” No one responded to Lily’s question. “How far away is the car?”  
“The car is down at the playground,” James says trying to be helpful.  
“Okay let’s get you all into the car; I have my license and can take you back to my house.”  
The five of them worked their way down the hill, when they reached the car Peter, Remus and Sirius slid into the back. Lily grabbed the keys from Remus and got in the driver’s seat, James sat to her left trying to make small talk on their way to Lily’s house.

~~

 

When they arrived Lily went up and unlocked the front door and went back to the car to help the boys inside. When they entered the house Lily led them into the kitchen. There was a record playing; they all recognised the song as Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Lily told them she would be right back with her first aid kit. When she came back she threw old washcloths at Sirius and told him to try to clean off some of the blood. Lily next proceeded to look at Remus’ nose.  
“It’s defiantly broken,” Lily said without hesitation.  
“Fuck, does anyone have Skelegro?” Sirius said.  
“You know I might,” Lily said running upstairs.  
Lily returned with a bottle labelled Skelegro and immediately fixed Remus’ nose.  
“Feel better?” Lily asked with concern. She had a stronger connection with Remus than the others because they were both perfects.  
“Much. Thanks, Lil.” Remus said feeling relieved.  
Lily turned her attention toward Sirius. “Black, that’s not working at all, how about you go shower, the bathrooms upstairs and to the right.”  
Sirius went upstairs and turned on the water signalling the others that he had found his way. The record changed, it was now playing Lady Marmalade by Labelle. Lily handed Remus a wet washcloth so he could get the dried blood off his face and hands. James spoke.  
“Thanks, Evans where are your parents at?”  
“They’re on vacation, no need to worry about them.”  
“So you’re alone?” Peter asked  
“No my sister will be here, but she is on a date right now. She will be back tonight… Maybe” Lily added at the end. “I think you should all stay here tonight, Lupin is in no shape to drive and it’s already nine.”  
James defiantly was not about to argue. Spending the night at Lily’s was his dream. “Sounds good, but we don’t have any pyjamas.”  
“I think I have something that might work,” Lily said while running upstairs. She came back with four t-shirts that are much too big to be hers. “I hope these will work.”  
A minute later Sirius comes downstairs wearing nothing but his boxers. James threw a shirt at him; he caught it and slipped it on.  
“So did I miss something? Are we crashing here tonight?”  
“Yes, unless you plan on walking back,” Lily said. “I’m going to run upstairs and throw on my pyjamas; I suggest you do the same.”  
As Lily changed upstairs the other three marauders stripped down to their boxers and threw on a t-shirt. Lily came down the stairs a few minutes later wearing a floral pyjama shirt with matching shorts.  
“Bloody hell,” James said under his breath when he caught sight of Lily.  
“Did you eat dinner?” Lily asked ignoring James’ comment on her outfit.  
“No,” The four boys said all at one.  
“I’m going to order a Pizza, is cheese okay?”  
The four boys nodded. The record changed to a song that none of the boys recognised Tous Les garcons et Les filles by Francoise Hardy.  
“Evans, what’s up with you and French songs?” Sirius asked when she got back from ordering Pizza.  
“I’m fluent in French; I think they sound smoother than songs in English,” Lily responded casually.  
“You speak French?” James asked again  
“Isn’t that what I just said?”  
There were a few moments that passed where everyone was lost in the music. The doorbell rang and Lily stood up to get the pizza, soon there was an empty pizza box sitting on the kitchen counter and four overly stuffed guys sitting in the living room.  
“You feel better?” Lily asked the four boys who all responded with a nod.  
“I’m going to step outside for a smoke, anyone want to join me?” Sirius asked  
Peter and Remus both agreed which left Lily alone with James.  
“What, you don’t smoke?” Lily asked as soon as the other three were outside.  
“I just don’t like it as much as they do,” James said lightly.  
“James we need to talk,” Lily said suddenly sounding serious. “About what happened at the end of last year with Severus.”  
“Lily, I’m sorry, I know he’s your friend.”  
“Was my friend,” Lily added quickly. “There is no need to apologise; he’s not the same person he once was. He deserved what you did, and everyone knew that but me.” Lily’s eyes were watering  
“Lily, I’m so sorry” Were all the words James could muscle out.  
They both sat on the sofa; James stared into Lily’s teary eyes. James put his hand over hers and let it rest on the sofa.  
Peter, Remus and Sirius all came in laughing. Lily jumped and pulled her hand away from James’.  
“Are we interrupting?” Sirius said chuckling.  
“Oh, um, no,” James said hastily.  
Lily had stopped crying and was now blushing. “Um, do you guys need anything? I think I will head to bed.” No one said anything which indicated that they were fine. “If you need anything my room is the third door on the right.” There was an awkward pause. “Night,” Lily finally said.  
“Goodnight,” James called back to her.  
They heard Lily go upstairs and close her door.  
“Shit, what was that about Prongs?” Remus said  
“Lily hates him… She hates Snivellus. She said he deserved it.” James said still staring at the bottom of the stairs.  
“How’d you get her to say that, mate?” Sirius said in shock  
“I didn’t, she said it on her own,” James said now turning around to face the two boys.  
“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Remus said with a yawn. “I call the sofa,”  
James, Peter and Sirius groaned, they knew they would have to sleep in the chairs. They all grabbed the blankets that were on the couch and went to sleep. 

~~

James woke up suddenly when he heard someone stumble down the stairs. “Shit,” They called out. James sat upright and put on his specs. James went to the dark kitchen and saw the outline of a petite woman stumbling to find her way around.  
“You all right Lils?” James said smiling.  
Lily turned around obviously having been startled. “Fuck, Potter don’t sneak up on people like that.”  
“What do you mean? You were the one who woke me up. Take a nasty tumble did you?”  
“Yeah, came down for some water and now it looks like I should grab the first aid kit too.” Lily joked “Well I’m heading back to bed, see you in a few hours.”  
A few seconds passed where the two of the just stared at the other, or rather their outline. When Lily moved to leave James called out.  
“Would you like some help?” James asked, “I mean with the first aid.”  
“Wow James Potter the healer.” Lily joked “But yes I would love your help.”  
James led her upstairs to her room (the third door on the right he remembered). When he entered he was astounded, her room was painted white and a few paintings of France. She had white carpet and a small purple rug at the foot of her bed. On the left wall sat a queen sized bed with a white bedspread with purple flowers on it. On the nightstand to the left sat muggle photos of Lily with her friends. The right side of her bed was all messed up; it was obviously the side she had been sleeping on. There were yellow daisies sitting on her night stand that added a splash of colour to her classy room. There was a white desk under her window opposite the door with all of her school textbooks stacked in a neat pile. Next to her desk sat the same record player that sits in the Gryffindor common room the other nine months of the year. Lily had obviously had complete control over her room and decided to make it three times classier than the rest of her house.  
“This is your room?” James asked in amazement.  
“Yeah, why do you sound so shocked?”  
“It’s really clean and there is nothing that suggests you’re a witch,” James said looking particularly at her photos.  
“My family barely lets me come inside with my textbooks let alone moving pictures.” Lily chuckled  
Lily sat on her bed and started to bandage her leg. James came over and sat trying to help but ended up just getting in the way. When Lily was done James stood and walked around her room examining everything more carefully.  
“Why do you have daisies in your vase? Shouldn’t be Lilies?” James asked looking back at Lily.  
“Well it should be Lilies but unfortunately, the prettiest thing I could find was daisies.” She said smiling back at him.  
Ten minutes past where James continued to ask questions about her room and Lily continued to answer. The moon shown through Lily’s window lighting up the room just enough to make out the sensitive green eyes staring back at him. 

~~

Lily soon realised what was happening, she liked the boy with the energetic brown eyes staring into her heart. She had to restrain herself from leaning forward and kissing his alluring pink lips. She wondered if he could tell what she was thinking or if he thought the same thing. 

~~

Her eyes continued to penetrate his soul. He wondered if she felt what he did. But he knew the answer to that. He would have done anything for her and she would continue to push him away no matter what he did. He knew if he ever wanted Lily he would need to give her space, no matter how badly he wanted to kiss her delicate rosebud lips. 

~~

They were snapped back to reality when a car alarm outside went off.  
“Fuck,” James shouted  
“I think it will turn off here soon,” Lily said hoping that no one else had woken up.  
“I should probably go back downstairs…” James said unsure of what else he could do.  
“Oh… yeah, you should probably do that…” Lily said faintly.  
As James stood up and slowly walked out the door Lily interrupted his movement by speaking.  
“Or maybe you can just stay on here... I mean so you don’t wake the others up.”  
James looked at her expecting her to say “just kidding”, but she just sat on her bed looking apprehensive. James decided that she really was telling the truth and lied down on top of the covers on the left side of the bed.  
“You know you can get under the covers, I mean only if your cold or you want to.”  
James had never heard Lily sounding so flustered, she only made sense half the time and the other half she was just tense. He was lying facing the wall and decided it would help her relax if he faced her. When he turned over she moved her eyes to stare at his. Lily grabbed his hand and became serene the minute James accepted it. They drifted to sleep smiling at one another.

~~

Lily awoke the next morning looking simply radiant. She shook James awake who awoke realising that it really wasn’t a dream. He smiled at Lily who he had never seen look so beautiful. They slowly rolled out of bed and made their way downstairs to find the other three boys each enjoying a cup of tea.  
“Morning,” Sirius said raising his mug to take a sip.  
Lily was a bright shade of scarlet. The three marauders were all dressed in their same clothes from yesterday obviously waiting for James to be ready to go. James looked up at the clock on Lily’s oven; the time read 10:04.  
“Fuck, we got to go; my parents will be home in less than an hour,” James said realising that it would be nearly impossible to beat them home. James threw on his clothes and met the other boys in the car.  
Lily stood at the doorway to her house waving them off. Once they turned around the block she went back into her house and closed the door. She slid down to the ground her back against the door with her head in her hands.


	2. The Train Ride

It was finally the morning of September first. James could barely sleep; he was so excited to see Lily again. Every time he thought back to the morning he left Lily he regretted it more. He left in a rush without even saying goodbye. He was hoping that she would forgive him and it would go back to their new normal.  
“James you ready?” Sirius said  
It took a while for James to register that someone was speaking to him. “Oh, um, yeah, is everyone else ready?”  
“Yeah they’re just bringing their stuff down so we can go,”  
Soon the four marauders were downstairs and ready to go. James’ mother took them to platform 9 ¾ and waved them goodbye. She took off and left the four boys standing on the platform ready to start their sixth year.  
“You see Evans?” James said while looking around.  
“Is that all you can think about mate?” Sirius teased.  
James spotted Lily with her mother and father waving goodbye. She hoped on the train and her parents went back through the wall.  
“She just got on the train,” James said. “Come on, let’s go.”  
The boys all followed James on the train and started to look into the different compartment.  
“If she wants to talk to you she will come find you,” Remus said. He was looking tired, the full moon was in four days and he always seemed drained. “How about this one, it’s empty and on the left side of the train, your favourite.”  
“Fine, if you insist,” James said still scanning the train for Lily.  
They all sat down, Pater sat on the left closest to the window with Remus across from him. Sirius sat next to Remus, and James sat closest to the door next to Peter.  
“On the lookout for Evans?” Peter asked.  
“I saw her get on the train but now I can’t find her,” James said still staring out into the hallway.  
Remus was done with the conversation. “She will be by soon; we will go down to the prefects meeting together.”  
“Right,” James said still looking out into the hall for her.  
The train started moving and the boys started to discuss pranks they could pull this year. They were all pitching ideas but none of them were very good.  
“What if we-“  
“Shut up Wormy, that’s a horrible idea,” Sirius snapped.  
“But I didn’t get to finish,” Peter blubbered.  
“You all right Pads?” Remus asked with a yawn.  
“Yeah, I’m fine… I’m going to go see if I can get some food.”  
James jumped in “Grab me a chocolate frog mate.”  
Sirius left to and started walking toward the back of the train. He saw the trolley cart ahead with two Gryffindor girls ordering candy. Marleen and Lily. Lily was already dressed in her school robes with a pin that read prefect attached. Marlene was dressed in all pink with matching pink lipstick looking more cheerful than ever. Evans said goodbye and Marlene went back in her cab. When Evans turned to walk toward the front of the train she noticed Sirius and stopped dead in her tracks.  
“Sirius,” Lily whispered under her breath. She walked up to Sirius. “Hey,” she said casually.  
“Did you just call me Sirius?” He said with a smile.  
“Uh, no. You wish.” She smiled. “Can you show me to your cab, I need to take Remus to the prefects meeting.”  
They started to walk back toward the front of the train when Sirius spoke.  
“So what have you done with the rest of your summer?” He said trying to make conversation while two fourth years push past.  
“The usual, my sister ignoring me, my family driving me insane and sleeping of course,” Lily said with a smile. “Did you do anything fun?”  
“Of course, being without my family and instead with my three best friends, nothing could be better.” Sirius was smiling back at her. “So can we make it a surprise for James that I found you, he has been looking for you ever since we got here.”  
“Wouldn’t be fun if it wasn’t a surprise,”  
Sirius was standing in front of Lily so no one in the cab would be able to see her.  
“You get my chocolate frog?” James said glancing up a Sirius.  
“No, I got you something better...” Sirius said with a smirk.  
Sirius stepped into the cab and took his seat revealing the beautiful redhead standing behind him.  
James’ eyes widened when he saw Lily’s face. “Evans, I was hoping to get to see your beautiful face, also,” James turned his head to look at Sirius. “Fuck you, bloody hell what were you thinking, also why didn’t you get me my chocolate frog?”  
“Sorry mate but I thought you would prefer to see Evans over a chocolate frog, but I guess Pete is wearing off on you,” Sirius said about to break down laughing.  
“Sorry to interrupt this conversation but Remus and I need to get going,” Lily said.  
Remus stood up and moved past Sirius to join Lily in the hall.  
“Nice seeing you all again,” Lily said waving goodbye to the three remaining marauders.  
An hour past before the three boys caught sight of either prefect. They both entered the compartment and Remus sat down back in his spot. James tried to make room so Lily could sit down but she just stood there. Lily started to speak.  
“I’m all right, I just wanted to say-“  
Lily was interrupted by two girls opening the compartment door.  
“Lily, come on Alice has news for us but she won’t tell us until you’re there,” Marlene said while dragging Lily out of the compartment.  
“I’ll see you later,” Lily called to the four boys.  
“What was that about?” Marleen said curiously.  
“You know that Remus and I are both prefects,” Lily answered.  
“I also know that you like James, so…”  
Lily smiled and elbowed Marlene in the stomach and they walked into to their own compartment. Alice started up her story at once.

~~

When the train stopped and everyone got off the train. Hagrid came and took the first years to the lifeboats while the other kids slowly loaded into the carriages. The marauders all entered the empty carriage behind the one Lily, Alice, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary.  
“I just don’t know how Lily can be around Mary, she’s never liked her,” Remus said as the carriage started moving.  
“I know, maybe she will get so fed up this year she will choose us over them, I know James would like that.” Sirius said “Also, she called me Sirius earlier.  
The boys all looked shocked at what Sirius said. They continued to discuss Lily and the other Gryffindor girls; they then started spitting out more ideas for pranks.

~~

Before they knew it they were up at the castle and done with the sorting ceremony. The four boys suddenly became very aware of how hungry they were, especially because none of them got food from the trolley. Next to the four boys, sat Frank and the five other Gryffindor girls. The ten sixth years began to exchange stories about their summers and before they knew it, it was time to go back Gryffindor tower. Lily and Remus excused themselves to help lead the new students up to their rooms.  
The eight sixth years decided that they would take over the common room and continue their conversation.  
“So James what did you do this summer?” Mary asked.  
“Oh, same thing as Sirius I guess.”  
“So the rumours are true, Sirius was kicked out of his house,” Mary added showing interest.  
There was no response; they all sat in silence for a minute before they were saved by Remus and Lily walking in.  
“That was a bloody nightmare; do you know how much energy 11-year-olds have?” Remus said sounding exhausted.  
“Maybe you should head to bed mate, you seem tired,” Sirius said with concern.  
“That might be best, night,” He said as he walked off yawning.  
After a moment of silence, Mary jumped back in to start up the conversation.  
“So Lily, what were you up to over the summer?”  
Lily head moved to look at James who merely shook his head signalling that he did not say anything. “Oh not much, I got my driver’s license and I helped my sister move out.”  
“Why would you need to drive?” Marlene asked not understanding because of her pureblood heritage.  
“For some freedom, “Lily responded  
“I doubt that you even left that little town of yours Evans,” James said jumping in.  
Lily didn’t respond but just glared at James.  
After a moment pause Dorcas, Alice and Frank all left toward their room leaving Sirius, James, Peter, Marlene, Mary and Lily.  
“So what’s up with you two?” Marlene asked while pointing at Lily and James. “Cus last I checked Lily looked like she was going to kill you in your sleep.”  
“Nothing’s going on Mar; I just got over what the marauders did,” Lily said casually.  
“Sure, whatever you say Lily.” Marlene said, “So James what really happened.”  
James smiled “I got lucky is what happened, Evans forgive someone? I thought that was a myth.”  
“Fuck off Potter,” Lily said while flipping him two fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kind of short. I was originally writing this as a much longer chapter; but decided to break it into two much shorter ones.


	3. 6th year, Day one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the first day of the new year at Hogwarts and the marauders are trying to settle in.

Lily awoke the next morning to find her room empty. The first day of the term was always full of excitement. Everyone had left to find their classmates that they have missed all summer. Lily had no intentions of running off to breakfast so early, so she instead decided that she would get ready for the first day of classes. As she stepped out of the shower and dried her hair she thought of her OWL’s and how she had received nearly prefect marks, transfigurations and DADA being her main weaknesses. When she was done getting ready she slipped on her tie and grabbed her book bag and headed for the great hall.  
The great hall was packed, it seemed that the entire castle had decided to get an early start; she looked around until she found Marleen. As she began to walk toward her, Lily was stopped by McGonagall and she was handed her schedule. She stared down at the small piece of paper but still continued forward to her group of friends.  
“Hey! Look who decided to show up.” Marleen giggled.  
“You know opening days never been my thing,” Lily said while she reached for an apple.  
Minutes past, Lily sat down and tried to organise her things so she could be ready for her next class, potions. She knew none of her friends were going to be continuing on with potions, they all hated it. Lily noticed she didn’t have her quill. She decided it would be best if she got going, she made her way out of the dining hall and up to her room. She grabbed her new quill and ran down to the dungeons.  
When Lily entered the potions room she saw that I had a choice of two people for partners, James or Severus. She then saw that Alice was in the class, but she was partnered with her boyfriend. Remus was also there, he was partnered with Sirius. Lily recognised this as a trap; she knew that the three boys had set it up to prove that she preferred them over Severus now. Worst of all she knew they were right, she would choose James.  
Lily sat to James’ left. They said nothing, James began to smile.  
Sirius turned around and spoke, “I knew you would,” and he turned back around.  
Neither of them spoke for the rest of the class. Professor Slughorn lectured about expectations and how happy he was to see that 17 kids decided to join his class. When class was over Lily rushed off to transfigurations. She didn’t want anyone to have the chance to speak to her. She knew this was silly, for they were going to the same place.  
When she arrived she noticed that Professor McGonagall had given them all assigned seats. Lily was sat next to James. “Of course,” she whispered under her breath. She sat down and pulled out her parchment and quill. Minutes later the four marauders entered the classroom. Lily noticed the looks James and Sirius exchanged, it was then she realised that they were placed on opposite sides of the classroom.  
“Hey, at least you’re next to Evans.” Sirius whispered, “I got stuck next to Lestrange.”  
James sat down next to Lily, he didn’t say a word. Class began and McGonagall gave her speech on expectations. It was a long boring class, Lily hated transfigurations it was her worst subject, but for some reason, it was better sitting next to James.

``

 

When class was over Lily walked out with Marleen, they went up to their room and switched out their things to prepare for their next class. They then went to the great hall for lunch; Lily sat down next to Remus and Dorcas. They discussed classes and summer plans. Lily wasn’t interested in what they were saying; she was focused on what they weren’t saying. James never spoke, the entire lunch he sat there silently. This was highly unusual for him, James was always showing off.  
Lily had a free period next; she decided to use it by going to the library. Lily spent a lot of time in the library in her past five years, and she knew this year would be no different. When she entered the Library, she was surprised to see three of the marauders. They were all sitting at a table leaned over a book. Lily went and sat down next to James, who was sitting across from Sirius and Remus.  
“Afternoon,” Lily started, “What are you boys reading?” She asked while reaching for the book. Sirius slapped her hand away. “Okay then, what’s up with the silent treatment? Potter hasn’t said a word to me all day.”  
“To be fair, you haven’t said anything to me either,” James responded.  
Lily thought about it and realised that his statement was true. “Oops,” was the only thing she could think of saying. She began to walk away to go grab the book she came looking for.  
“Wait, Lily,” James said now standing up. Lily turned around to look at him. “What’s your next class?” James asked, he wanted to slap himself for asking such a dumb question.  
“Charms,”  
James grinned, “Same here.”  
Lily laughed, “You don’t mean that we have the same schedule, or close to it.”  
“Well, it sure sounds like it Evans.”  
Lily rolled her eyes “There is no way you passes all the O.W.L’s with a high enough score to stay in half these classes.”  
“You would be surprised how well I can do when I actually apply myself.” James joked.  
Lily walked away to go grab her book. When she saw that it was missing she went to ask the librarian where it was. Lily was told that Dumbledore had checked it out and that she would need to talk to him. As Lily left she saw that the three boys were gone. They had left their books, so Lily had decided to grab them. “Legal Gridlines for Manufacture of Magical Apparatus? Why would they need this?” Lily asked herself. When she picked up the other book she began to worry. “The Gide to Advanced Transfigurations,” she knew this meant that they were up to something if they needed a book on laws and transfigurations. She checked the clock and raced off to Charms. 

~~

Charms was James’ least favourite class so far. He sat in the front corner, the exact opposite of Lily, Remus and Sirius. He decided that to cope with all of this he would be more obnoxious than usual. The professor got fed up and made James leave.  
James sat in the hall bouncing a ball at the wall. Sirius came out in the hall five minutes later and sat down next to James.  
“Bloody Hell mate, kicked out on the first day of class,” Sirius said  
“Why are you here, mate?” James asked.  
“You know we promised to get kicked out together, so that is exactly what I did.”  
“Mate, we made that promised in our first year. “  
“A promise is a promise,” Sirius said smiling. “Now, you gonna ever tell me what happened that night with Evans?”  
James had a sudden change in emotion, he seemed relaxed and spacey. Sirius realised that he was recalling details of that night, and when he began to smile he knew that it had been good, but he also knew that James was never going to tell him.  
“Alright, I know that look. You don’t have to tell me.” Sirius said, “But I do have one question for you. Are you going to continue to go after Evans?”  
James thought about his answer, but before he could respond the bell rang for class to be let out. Remus and Lily pushed through the door and greeted the two boys in the hall.  
“We’re headed back to the common room, would you care to join us?” Remus asked.  
James and Sirius glanced at each other and nodded. They stood up and walked back to the common room. When they got there Professor McGonagall was waiting for them.  
“Potter, we expect to see you tonight at the prefects meeting,” McGonagall said hastily while handing James a letter, she walked out of the common room.  
James opened his letter and began to read it.  
Dear Mr Potter,  
We are pleased to inform you that due to your excellent leadership skills and passion for the sport, Gryffindor has named you Captain of the Quidditch team. You will need to discuss tryout dates with your fifth through seventh-year prefects. They will be supervising and helping score to eliminate a bias, although it is ultimately your choice. We wish you luck this year.  
-The Gryffindor Student Body  
“Well, what is it mate?” Sirius asked.  
James was stunned and had to read over the letter again before answering. “I’ve been made Quidditch captain.” 

~~

Over dinner, James received many best wishes and requests for positions. He was so excited that he forgot about his other responsibilities. When he went to the meeting Lily went over the terms for being Captain, Remus then swore him to the position. James thought it was a little much, but enjoyed all the attention. He noticed that the fifth year was giving him extra attention. James was used to this type of attention, he was very aware that women would swoon if he asked to court them. For some reason he paid extra attention to her, he thought maybe it was due to her beauty, but he knew it had to be more than that.  
When he got back to his room he grabbed his book bag and went down to the common room, he was the only one there. James began his letter to his parents to tell them about his first day of school. He walked to the owlry when he was finished. James borrowed one of the school owls and sent it on its way.  
When James arrived back in the common room he saw the fifth year prefect laying in the armchair near the fire.  
“Well look who it is,” She began, “James Potter, Gryffindor Captain.”  
James smiled, he didn’t know what made him do it, but he sat down across from her and leaned forward to gaze into her eyes. Vibrant blue stared back at him, she kept messing with blond hair that was flowing over her pink silk pyjamas.  
James spoke, “I hate to ask, but I’m blanking on a name.”  
“Esme,” She said in a soft tone.  
“Esme,” James repeated. 

~~

Lily had come bounding down the stairs when the marauders had told her that James was in the common room. She came to an abrupt halt when she saw him talking with Esme, the fifth year prefect. She waited at the bottom of the stairs hoping that neither of them had heard her. She knew instantly that Esme was flirting, but for the first time in Lily’s life did she realise that James was flirting back. She closed her eyes and put her lips together. “This is why I hate feelings” She whispered to herself. A tear ran down her face as she listened in. She knew this is what it was like to get your heart broken, but he wasn’t even hers. She had waited too long, “Why couldn’t I have said something sooner.” She shuffled back up the stairs and into her room; she slammed the door behind her. Everyone froze to look at her while she slid her back down the door. Marleen moved to sit next to her.  
“You like him don’t you?” Marleen asked.  
Lily closed her eyes again and nodded.  
“Can I know what happened?” Marleen said softly.  
“He’s over me, I had my chance,” Lily answered. “He’s down there flirting with the fifth year Esme.”  
Dorcas chuckled, “You mean, he has been after you for five years, and suddenly it’s all gone. I call bull shit.”  
“Yeah Lil, you just gotta let him know you’re interested,” Marry added  
“If it makes you feel any better, Esme is a slag,” Alice said.  
They all laughed, they always called each other slags. It felt good when Alice used it as an actual insult. Lily lied down on her bed. The girls spent the night coming up with ways to sabotage their relationship, even though they knew they would never use them. Lily drifted to sleep. Marleen covered her with a blanket and they all went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just about killed me to write this chapter. I hate writing about James being with another girl.


	4. Quidditch Tryouts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and he is given the hard choice of choosing his teammates.

James was making out with Esme in his room. Her back was pressed against the door. He was smoothly pulling off her shirt and undoing her bra. She was working at the buttons on his shirt. It was a complicated art form while they kept their lips locked. James tugged at her skirt while she unbuttoned his pants. He knew this had to be rushed; the boys had just stepped outside for a smoke. That gave them a max of twenty minutes.  
James awoke when his alarm went off. He groaned, there were Quidditch tryouts today. He rolled out of bed and got in the shower. His parents had written him back and given him tips on making a good team; he paid no attention to what his parents had written. Neither of them had played Quidditch, but he had been playing since second year, but had been practising for far longer.  
James went down to breakfast and grabbed a muffin and headed out to the field where he saw the six prefects and two dozen tryouts. “Fuck,” he whispered to himself. He knew he would have to cut three-fourths of the players. Among the players, he saw the other three marauders.  
“What are you guys doing here?” James asked.  
“Sirius wanted to try out, and made the rest of us do so as well. Do not put me on the team James. “Remus said.  
James laughed and decided it was time to start. “Good morning everyone, it’s nice to see so many people out here this morning. Now as you all know we are looking for six players, two chasers, two beaters, a keeper and most importantly a seeker. We will be starting with the seekers, and build our team from there.” James continued to explain procedures. He knew that seeker would be the most wanted position, but he had hopes that Marleen would come out on top again. When he blew the whistle everyone started racing around except for Marleen who stayed still. Moments later she took off. Everyone knew she had seen the snitch. Seconds later she had caught it, everyone knew she was on the team.  
Lily ran over to Marleen. “Mar, you better be careful or everyone will find out your part niffler,” Lily said as a joke.  
James walked over and discussed what position would be next for tryouts. They decided on keeper, James shot ten goals at the keepers and the one who allowed the least amount of goals in would win. There was a tie for this spot, Remus and some fourth year. They had both kept out nine of the ten. Remus surrendered his spot making the joyful fourth-year boy their new keeper.  
Next up was chaser; Lily noticed that Esme took the field. Lily snapped her quill and Remus asked her what was wrong. She asked if she could barrow his broom. When Esme had been named one of the new chasers Lily just about lost it. When James called out for beater tryouts, Lily got up and stood next to Sirius. James was surprised along with everyone else to see her up there. It was rare to see a muggle born on a Quidditch team, mainly because they are shorted 11 years of practice.  
When it was Lily’s turn she was given the beaters bat and was given the instructions to hit as many of the moving targets as she could in the time given. When the whistle blew she took off and was flying much better than expected. She hit 20 of the targets when the time was up, putting her just behind Sirius who had managed first place. She thought the team had been made, but James and the other teammates were all in a huddle. They kept glancing at her as they were discussing, she knew this wasn’t good.  
James called them over. “Well, you see. We have a slight problem. If I let both of you be our beaters, then we have a team of one-fourth year, two-fifth years and four sixth years. We just can’t have that; there would be no reason for many of the seventh years to come. Sense a seventh year finished behind you Lily, I regret to inform you that you will not be on the team. “  
Lily looked at James, and then she looked at Marleen. Marleen mouthed the word “I’m sorry”, but it didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the fact that James would have at least an hour every night with Esme. It didn’t change the fact that Lily deserved that spot. It didn’t change the fact that Lily was a muggle born that never really had a chance with pureblood Potter. Lily knew it was best to just walk away, she knew there was nothing she could do about any of this. Lily muscled out a smile and went back up to her room. She got in the shower and sat on the floor, she curled up crying, letting the water consume her. 

~~

When Lily had finished her shower she went back to her room where Marleen was waiting to talk to her. Lily slipped on her sweats and a baggy tee shirt and pulled her hair up into a messy bun.  
“James wanted you on the team. He knew you would be better than that nasty seventh year. He did have semi good reasoning to make him the beater instead thought. “Marleen said knowing that this had just made it worse.  
”Mar, it’s not just the fact that he made the seventh year the beater. There is so much more to all of this than I think you will ever realise. Mary would understand.” Lily said while digging through her book bag and pulling out her school work.  
“Muggle-born problem isn’t it?” Marleen asked.  
“You know that they aren’t supposed to play. Every team would think that we were weak with me out there. James did what was right, even if it was for the wrong reasons.” Lily’s cat had walked over and sat on her lap, she began stroking that cat which made her relax a great deal. “I don’t blame James; I would have done the same thing if I were him. I just can’t believe that git Esme made it.”  
“Lily, this isn’t right. You should be on that team. You were better, it shouldn’t matter what your blood status is, and it shouldn’t matter your age.” Marleen paused, “I’m going to quit unless he puts you back on the team.”  
“Don’t, I don’t want to be out there if it makes all the players resent me. The team needs you; you’re the best seeker in the school. Besides I have a lot of other things I need to be doing, I don’t have time for playing games.”  
Marleen sighed; she knew that she had lost. “Okay, well if you’re not going to be playing Quidditch with me, we are going to have some quality bonding time together.”  
An hour later they had finished, Lily was no longer in baggy sweats, she was now in a white skater dress with yellow and blue flowers. Her hair was in loose curls and her makeup was done to perfection.  
Lily went next door to the boys’ room to return the books that she had grabbed from the library a week earlier. They were all sitting on their beds doing school work. Her presence did not seem to interest them. “I brought you your books that you had left in the library last week.” She paused to see if this had sparked their attention. “Whatever you are doing is illegal isn’t it?” Lily asked.  
Sirius looked up at her and smiled. “Well you obviously don’t know what we are doing; otherwise you would have snitched on us.”  
“Bad enough to make me snitch? I’ll have to keep that in mind when I’m making my rounds. Unless you would like to tell me now…”  
Sirius cackled, “I think you will need to figure it out all on your own.”  
Lily set the books down and paused before leaving. She thought about how James didn’t bother a glance at Lily, let alone have eye sex with her. Lily went back to her room to continue her school work.

~~

“What was that?” Remus asked James the minute Lily left the room.  
“Sorry, what?” James replied.  
“You didn’t look at her, you didn’t smile at her, and you didn’t tell her she looked nice. You didn’t apologise for kicking her off the team, even though she totally deserved to be on it.”  
Sirius started up before James could say anything in response to Remus. “Mate, you’re being a total knob to her.”  
James paused, he didn’t know exactly how to respond, he knew this was all true. Worst of all he didn’t know what had changed. “I think I’m done trying to win her over.” He paused wondering if he should tell them about Esme. “There is someone else. She is totally into me and I think I’m gonna see if it works out.”  
“That is the worst idea you have ever had, Evans is totally perfect for you,” Peter said.  
Sirius spoke, “I promised you that I wouldn’t ask what happened that night at Evans’ house, but what we all know is that you fell asleep downstairs with us, and woke up the next morning in her room.”  
James thought about that night again, it was magical. He wished that he could wake up to her every morning, but he also knew that she would always reject him. “That night was just an abnormality, it will never happen again. You all were always telling me that I should move on, and now that I have, you are telling me that it is a mistake.”  
No one spoke; they all knew it was true.


	5. Kiss

James grabbed the map, “I solemnly swear I’m up to no good,” Lily was alone. James thought about going to her, but last time they had spoken he had barely even taken notice of her. He looked back at the map, and he saw Esme’s name. “Fuck,” he whispered. She was coming up the stairs, which meant she would be in his room in no less than 30 seconds.  
James set the map down, he yawned. It was coming on midnight but promised to wait for the other boys before going to bed. The door opened, and he turned his head to see who it was. “Esme?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”  
“I was bored, I was wondering if you were still up.” Esme came and sat on James’ bed. She glanced down and saw the marauder's map lying open. “Were you watching me?” She joked.  
“Why of course,” James lied. He had been watching Lily; it had been his favourite pastime for many years and was a habit that he knew would be hard to break.  
“That’s what I was hoping,” Esme responded as she flopped backwards onto the bed. She tilted his head so she could look into James’ hazel eyes. “James?”  
“Yes? Is something wrong?” James asked.  
Esme sat up and folded her legs into a crisscross on the bed while starting directly at James. “Nothing is wrong, I just have a question.” There was a long awkward pause before Esme started up again. “I’m just going to get this out of the way.” There was another pause which made James look up at her. They stared into each other’s eyes until Esme reach up and touched his neck. James leaned in and tilted his head to the right following the guide of her hand as she pulled closer to her face. Their lips touched, they pressed together as he grabbed the side of her neck. She slowly moved her hand away from his jaw until their lips were parted.  
When it was all over James finally registered what had happened. His first kiss. James thought about how Esme knew exactly what she was doing, and how he must have seemed like a fool. James had imagined how his first kiss would go, but it had always been with Lily.  
“I am hoping that my question was answered,” Esme said.  
James smiled and nodded his head. “Esme? Um, do you wanna go out sometime, you know if you want to?”  
Esme laughed, “Yeah, yeah I would.”  
“Tomorrow after Quidditch practice?”  
Esme nodded, she kissed James on the cheek and left the room. When the door shut James flopped backwards onto his bed. He then quickly sat up again and grabbed the marauders map; he saw that Esme was in her room again talking amongst her friends. With a second glance he noticed the other three marauders were in the astronomy tower; oddly they were joined by Lily.  
James decided that he would go join them. He threw on his invisibility cloche and began to head toward the tower.

~~

Lily took a cigarette from Remus and lit it with the tip of her wand. “I didn’t know you smoked, Peter.”  
Peter laughed, “You didn’t know I smoked? Evans, what about you? I don’t think anyone would suspect little miss perfect to smoke.”  
This made Lily laugh. “I think you would be surprised, I do lots of stuff you wouldn’t expect me to.”  
Sirius looked at Remus, “Did you know she smoked?”  
Remus did a soft laugh-cough, “Yeah, sometimes we would take breaks from our rounds to go smoke.”  
They all laughed at the thought of the two prefects ditching their responsibilities to do something illegal. When they had all calmed down they just sat there. Each of them were thinking about very different things. Remus’ thoughts were on the full moon that was coming up. Sirius was thinking about how Remus’ eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Peter was thinking about how he wished he had eaten more at dinner, smoking always made him hungry. Lily noticed that her mind had gone to James again.  
“Fuck,” Lily said when she caught herself thinking of James. The three boys turned their heads and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry,” She mumbled. They all started laughing again.  
Sirius saw the door to the astronomy tower but no one entered. He immediately knew it was James under the invisibility cloche. Sirius cleared his throat, “So, Lily, have you heard about James and Esme?”  
Lily nearly inhaled her cigarette, “Um, yeah. I think the whole school has. I am pretty sure that every girl in school is upset that Esme got James once he was back on the market. Any girl would jump at the chance to be with him.”  
“Does that include you?” Sirius asked with a tilt of his head.  
Lily blushed, “I had my chance, if I had really wanted him, I could have had him. Now he is done with me.”  
“You didn’t answer my question, Evans. You just explained the half-truth; you could still get James if you wanted.”  
Lily laughed, “Well then I guess I don’t want him, otherwise I would have him.”  
James threw off his cloche, “Good answer Evans, it would be a shame if you liked me now. That would equal six wasted years.” James grabbed a cigarette from Remus and lit it with his wand.  
“How long have you been here, Potter?” Lily asked.  
“Not long, Sirius noticed when I came in. That is when he started asking about me. I don’t see why you would care, though, Evans.” James answered.  
Lily laughed ignoring his last remark, “Now I know why the conversation shifted to you, Potter.” Lily finished her cigarette and put it out. “I’m going to go back to the common room; I have a lot of work to do. See you all later.”  
The four boys all waved goodbye to Lily. Sirius was the first to speak, “So James, did you get to see Esme?”  
James smiled, “Yeah, how do I put this. She kissed me. We have a date tomorrow.”  
Sirius was shocked, “A date, with one of our teammates. James, if you break up with her, our team will never be the same. It will ruin us. On the other hand, congrats. How was your first kiss?”  
James then ran through every detail from the minute Esme walked in the room. He ‘forgot’ to mention his thoughts of Lily, but he thought it would be for the best.  
“I don’t like it; I always thought Lily would be your first kiss,” Remus said with disappointment in his voice. “Plus I don’t like Esme; I don’t want her in our room when I’m there.”  
James was offended. “Well, maybe I don’t like it when Sirius is in our room when I’m there.” The tension grew.  
“He lives there, and he’s your best friend! Stop making excuses!” Remus shouted  
Peter decided that he needed to intervene. “Maybe we should all cool-“  
“James just because you have a girlfriend now doesn’t mean you get to start acting like an arsehole! I’m not just talking about the way you are to us, but the way you are to Lily. You told us less than a month ago that you love her!” Remus shouted again.  
James stood up, a first Sirius thought he was going to hit Remus, but instead, he walked out the door. The three boys looked at one another not knowing what to do. There was a sudden and swift movement by the door; Lily had appeared out from under the invisibility cloche. “Shit.”

~~

James had made it back to his room. The map was lying open and he saw that the three marauders were in the same place, but they were joined by Lily once again. “Fuck,” he screamed as he kicked his dresser. He took off his glasses and threw them on his bed. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. James sat on his bed. He had no idea what to do. Every time he got angry he would calm down with his friends, but this time he was all alone.


	6. He Kissed Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esme and James go on their first date, while Lily is with the other Marauders.

“He kissed her,” Lily said to Marlene as she paced around their room. “How could he do such a thing?”  
“It’s not like they had sex, Lil,” Marlene responded while sitting in her bed.  
“They have a date today!” Lily said as she ignored Marlene’s comment. “A bloody date!”  
Marlene sighed, she knew it was no use to try and persuade Lily. “Okay, well you had your chance, Lily. That does not mean you have to stop trying, though.”  
Lily realised what Marlene had been saying. “You’re right Mar, I’m sorry. I have just gotten carried away. I don’t even really like James.”  
This made Marlene laugh, of course she liked James. “I have to go to practice now; I’ll see you later, Lil.”  
When Marlene had left, Lily flopped back onto her bed. She had finished all of her school work except a group project which she hadn’t found a partner for, let alone started. She didn’t really care; taking a zero wouldn’t change her grade much. Lily stood up, and threw on some clothes and walked across the hall to the 6th year boys’ room. She entered to see Remus and Peter sitting on their beds. She went and sat on James’ bed, “So he really kissed her?”  
Remus and Peter both looked at her, “Um, yup.” Peter said as he went back to writing.  
“You don’t have anything to worry about Lil, we hate her. I can’t stand being around her.” Remus paused to consider what he was about to say. “Plus there is no way he is over you, which I shouldn’t be telling you but I did anyways.”  
When Remus finished Lily’s heart was racing. She thought of all the possibilities, how she could go rush to James’ side and embrace him as their lock lips and realise that they have always loved each other. Lily then noticed that Remus was staring right at her as she was daydreaming. She panicked as she wondered if he could read her mind. Lily began to blush, she wondered if it was obvious that she was crushing on James. Remus just grinned; she knew this look oh to well. He did know, but not because he was reading her mind.  
~~

James was walking down to the path to the Quidditch arena when Sirius appeared behind him. “Jesus fuck, Sirius,” James said as he stumbled over a stone. Sirius snickered and wrapped his arm around James. “Are you ready for practice?”  
Sirius sighed “Yeah, just don’t focus all your attention on Esme, your best friend still needs some.” Sirius playfully punched James; they kept walking until they reached the field. “What are we doing today, James?”  
James smiled, “We’re going to take it easy considering I have a date later.” Everyone cheered, not because he had a date, but because it would be an easy day. Everyone had a good practice except for James; he was unable to keep his eyes off Esme. He was love struck.  
When practice was over, the team all went to the showers. When James was done, he threw on the outfit that he had laid out the night before, a collared shirt with khakis. The other three Marauders approved, though Remus was still upset with James. He messed up his hair till it looked just the way he liked. James left his room to go knock on Esme’s door. When she opened the door her hair blew in the imitation breeze. “Wow, you look stunning.”  
“You don’t look too bad yourself, handsome,” Esme said as she straightened his shirt collar. “So, what are we doing on this lovely afternoon?”  
“I thought we would go get lunch first, I set it all up with the kitchen,” James said. He was nervous, not sure if she would like this idea.  
Esme smiled. “That sounds wonderful.” They walked to the kitchen where James grabbed a basket full of food. They then walked up to the astronomy tower. James had a table ready; he lit the candle with the tip of his wand. He moved the food to the table and pulled the chair out for Esme. She sat down and James pushed the chair back in. “Such a gentleman,” She said.  
As they ate, they made small talk. Nothing interesting, but at least Esme laughed at James’ jokes. James thought about Lily’s laugh, she always liked James’ jokes. It was the one thing she’s always liked about James. “Oh great,” James thought, he was thinking of Lily again. “So, Esme, do you want to move on to part two of our date?” She nodded.  
James stood up and pulled Esme’s chair out. She stood and reached for his hand, which made him relax a little more. Esme followed James outside to the lake. “I thought we could just walk and talk. Is that okay with you?”  
“Of course, I don’t care what we do. I just want to be with you.” Esme said.

~~

“Oh god, they’re holding hands,” Lily said in disgust. She had run over to the window when Remus told her that James and Esme had made their way outside.  
“I can’t believe he is dating her, he doesn’t even like her!” Remus yelled. He was staring down at the marauder's map.  
“Oh, get over yourselves,” Sirius said as he walked into his room drying his hair with a towel.  
“So are we just not gonna tell Prongs that Lily is totally freaking out over him and Esme?” Peter asked.  
“Correct Wormtail, he has been a total arse and does not get to know that Lily is obsessing over him,” Sirius responded. Lily without looking back threw a book that was on the windowsill at Sirius. “Well, am I wrong?”  
“I don’t like James,” Lily said flatly.  
“Sure you don’t, just like I don’t like Moony,” Sirius said while flopping down on the bed with Remus.  
Lily turned around and threw her arms up in the air. “Ahh, they’re kissing! Gross.” She then went and sat down on James’ bed. “God I hate her.”  
“Don’t we all,” Remus said while rolling his eyes.  
Peter spoke up, “Why are we all acting like this? James just wants to be happy.” Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Peter.  
After a minute Remus spoke, “But he’s not happy, he is just compensating because he can’t have Lily.”  
“But lots of girls have always wanted him, why would he change his mind now?” Peter responded.  
They all thought about this. Had James really moved on? “He really likes her doesn’t he?” Sirius asked. Peter nodded. Lily was almost in tears. “This means we have to give her a chance,” Sirius said.  
“But I don’t like her,” Remus wined. “I guess we can give her a chance, though.” He said when he saw Peter’s face.  
“We do need to give her a chance; we felt the same way about Lily. We love her now and they’re not even dating.” Sirius said.  
Lily threw James’ pillow at Sirius, “Don’t you dare compare her to me.” She groaned and turned over onto her back. “You guys can like Esme, but I am going to continue hating her.”  
Sirius chuckled, “You got it bad for James, don’t you Lil.” Lily threw the last pillow at Sirius but didn’t deny it. The mood suddenly lightened. Remus had put the map away and was now looking at Sirius. Lily knew it was the look of ‘I love you’, and she had never seen two people share it so well. She could tell they were truly in love. She felt much better knowing that love was still possible, which of course made it attainable for her and James.  
The door suddenly burst open, which made Lily jump. James and Esme walked in and looked around. It took Lily a second to realise she was lying on James’ bed. Lily went bright red in the face as she sat up and tried to muscle out a smile. “Well Esme, these are my roommates… plus one.” James added as he gritted his teeth.  
There was an awkward pause. “Well, I should get going,” Lily said. “Um, bye,” she added on. Lily left and returned to her room, she was all alone. “Lumos,” She said, for she did not want to turn on the overhead light. She grabbed her book, Sense and Sensibility, and held her wand up to read. She slowly began to drift to sleep, unaware of the outside world.


	7. Halloween Part 1

Peter woke up, “Aw yes,” he whispered as he realised it was Saturday. As he sat up he saw James was the only one that was awake and reading a book. He saw that Frank was asleep in his bed. The four Marauders never knew when they were going to see him. He was always off with his girlfriend, Alice.   
James set his book down. “Happy Halloween,” He said in a loud whisper. James stood and walked passed Peter’s bed, “I’m gonna grab a quick shower,” he said. Peter sat up and grabbed his wand and turned to look at Sirius’ and Remus’ beds. They were both moving, on the verge of waking up.   
“Wake up!” he yelled. Both Remus and Sirius both jumped, they were sitting up staring at him. “Sorry, but we needed to talk while James is out of the room.” There was a pause as Remus and Sirius both sat up. “Are you guys doing okay with Esme?”  
Remus scoffed, “As good as it can be,”  
Peter sighed, “Well I appreciate the effort, he deserves this.”  
“Lily doesn’t deserve this torment, though,” Sirius said.  
“Lily had her chance, she even admitted that. She’s just jealous. The minute he dumps Esme, Lily will go back to hating James.” Peter rebutted.  
Remus just shook his head. They all noticed that Frank was sitting up. He spoke, “You hate Esme? Lily likes James?”  
Sirius looked at Remus wondering what they should do. Remus grabbed his wand. “Obviate,” he said quickly.  
“Moony, what did you just do?” Peter asked quickly.  
“Fuck,” Remus whispered. He knew if anyone caught him he would be expelled immediately. He looked at Sirius who was staring at him, mouth open. “This never happened,” he quickly said.  
“Frank will be saying that too,” Sirius snickered. He leaned over and kissed Remus. They were both smiling. “I was hoping that would help. “  
James burst into the room with a towel around his waist. “Come on guys, get up. We have a big day ahead of us.” James was referring to the big prank they pull every year on Halloween. The other three Marauders rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes. Remus glanced back at Frank, who was now asleep. “To the library!” James exclaimed as he was unaware of the past few moments.

~~

“Lil, time to get up.” Marlene stated as she shook Lily awake.  
Lily’s vision was blurry as she glanced over at the clock, 9:00 am it read. She moved slowly to grab her glasses that sat on her end table. Lily sat up and looked at Marlene, “It’s too early, why did you get me up?”  
Marlene giggled, “Happy Halloween to you too. Come on, we have to go get breakfast.” Marlene said as she pulled Lily’s covers back. “I’m going to go put on my makeup. I expect you ready in ten minutes.”  
Lily got up and threw on one of her floral dresses. She then went and did her makeup while battling over the bathroom mirror with Marlene. “Mar, I’m ready. Hurry up,” Lily said. Marlene slipped on her heels and they headed out the door. As they made their way down to the stairs to the breakfast hall they ran into Esme and a few other fifth years.  
Esme caught eye of Lily and stopped giggling at once. “Excuse me, girls,” she said to her friends as she walked toward Lily. “Lily, how good it is to see you again,” Esme said in a very insincere tone. “I wanted to talk to you about James.” Lily became tense; the last thing she wanted was to hear Esme talk about James. “I don’t want you around him anymore,” Esme said flatly. “K?” She said in a much cheerier tone.  
Lily clenched her fist around her wand and Esme turned to walk away. “No,” Lily quietly.  
Esme turned around once again to look Lily in the eye. “What did you just say to me?”  
“I said no,” Lily said in a much louder tone. Esme raised her wand but Lily was faster, “Langlock,” Lily shouted. Esme’s tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. “Good luck Frenching James now,” Lily added as she walked out of the room with Marlene who was awestruck.  
“Did you really just do that?” Marlene asked with her mouth hanging open.  
Lily giggled, “I know! It was so exhilarating!”  
When they got down to breakfast Lily grabbed a muffin while Marlene grabbed some bread and toasted it with her wand. They went and sat down next to the four Marauders. “Evans, do you eat a muffin every morning?” Sirius asked.  
“Why yes I do, do you have a problem with that?” Lily asked as she shoved her face full of muffin.  
“Um, nope, not at all,” Sirius responded as he went back to eating his eggs and bacon.  
The post arrived; papers began dropping to the students below. Lily, Remus and Sirius all caught their papers as they fell. The headline wrote; Five Muggles Killed by Wizard, Malefactor Unknown. Remus looked at Lily and Sirius before he spoke, “Who do you think-“  
James cut him off, “What does it say?” he said as he grabbed Sirius’ paper. “Murder? Who was killed?”  
Lily had just finished reading the article when she spoke, “Unidentified still, what’s today's’ date?” She quickly added.  
“Lily, it’s fucking Halloween,” Peter said.  
“Right,” she said as she stood up. “I..I got to go,” she said as she grabbed her bag and rushed off.  
Marlene and the four marauders all looked at each other. “What was that about?” Marlene asked.  
They all shrugged except for James. “Oh my god, um, I gotta go find her.” He said.  
At that every moment Esme came up behind James and sat down, “Do you know what Lily did to me?”  
“Um, Esme, now’s not a good time, I have to go. We can talk later, but I really need to go.”  
Esme was a gasp, “Are you really about to leave me? I am having a crisis.”  
James had to think, he didn’t know what to do, “Esme, not now. I really need to go,” James walked away right as she was about to start speaking again.

~~

“Dumbledore!” Lily said as she rushed up behind him. He turned around to look at her. “One of the five, I think it might be my mum.”  
Dumbledore was calm, “Why ever would you think that?”  
“I always get a letter from her on holidays and the end of the month.” She said.  
“I’ll take you to the morgue at two o’clock,” Dumbledore said, he then turned and walked away.

~~

James was in his room looking for the map. “There it is,” he said once he found it. Lily was in the Library, like always.  
“Lily,” he said when he saw her face. When he got closer to her he could tell that her eyes were all puffy and red with a few tears left on her face.  
“Oh fucking hell, Potter go away.” She said as she wiped her nose.  
“You don’t really think that they’re dead, do you?” James asked.  
“I didn’t get my letter, I always get one.” She said as she stared off into the bookshelves. “Why are you here?”  
James sighed, “Because I care about you.”  
After a few moments, Lily spoke. “You know we haven’t had a real conversation in quite some time,” Lily said as she stared into his eyes.  
James smiled, “That’s my fault, I know I’ve been an arse.”  
“Thank you,” Lily said sincerely, not because he called himself an arse, but for understanding her and knowing what was wrong.  
James just smiled and stood up, he put his hand out to help Lily stand. “Come on, let’s go finish breakfast.”

~~

“Oh my god, you skank!” Esme said to Lily as she approached the table with James.   
James intervened, “Esme, stop. What are you doing? I went to her.”  
Esme wasn’t listening, “I told you to stay away from him,” she said directing her tone at Lily. “Inflatus,” she shouted, but Lily was too fast. She already had her wand up and blocked the spell. Lily retaliated with the Jelly-Brian Jinx which caused Esme’s cognitive process to slow.  
“Petrificus totalus,” Remus shouted so Esme would be unable to cause any more harm.   
Esme’s friends had gathered and were now shooting spells at Lily and Remus. Sirius, Peter and Marlene had all joined in the fight after a few moments. Soon after the entire room was roaring with the sounds of other kids shouting “Fight, fight, fight,” over and over again.  
“Enough!” McGonagall shouted. The room went silent. “Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew, McKinnon and Evans, come with me. Fifth years with Slughorn.”


	8. Halloween II

“Detention, all of you for the next three weeks,” McGonagall said. There were groans from the six kids that sat in her office receiving this punishment. “I expect you all here at six o’clock sharp in my office.” She said while she stood up and opened the door so the six kids could leave.  
Sirius snickered. “Only three weeks, dang we got lucky.” Lily was spacing off and unaware of the conversation going on. All she could think about was her mother. James was the only one who knew what was going on.  
“James, so what are you going to do about Esme? I mean you’ve been dating for nearly a month.” Marlene asked.  
James was shot back to reality when she said this. What was he going to do? “Um, I’m not sure yet…”  
Sirius interjected, “How can you not be sure? She is a crazy jealous bitch!”  
“Okay, there's more to the story. I don’t think you quite understand, Sirius.” James said.  
Lily looked at her watch, “Shit, I gotta go.” she said as she ran off. James ran after her, leaving the others standing in the middle of the hallway.

~~

“Evans. Evan wait!” James called out.  
Lily stopped dead in her tracks and turned around, “Potter, I don’t need this right now. Just go back to comforting your girlfriend.”  
“Maybe I don’t want to comfort her, maybe I want to help you,” James said as he walked closer to Lily.  
“Did she even tell you what I did?” Lily asked. “This whole mess is my fault, she had good reason to attack us.”  
James looked at her and grabbed her arms with both his hands. “I don’t care what you did. Your mother may have died, that gives you an excuse to do whatever you want.”  
Lily stared back at him, “No, no it doesn’t. I didn’t know about my mum then. Please, James, do me a favour and go be with Esme.”  
James pressed his lips together, “Lily please.”  
Lily began to back away, “I’m sorry,” she said as she raised her wand, “Petrificus totalus.” Green light shot out of the tip of her wand. James Potter fell backwards flat as a board.

~~

Lily was standing in Dumbledore’s office waiting for him to be ready to go. “So, Ms.Evans, I hear you got three weeks worth of detention this morning.”  
Lily looked over at her professor and sighed, “Yes, yes I did.”  
Dumbledore took a breath, “I see. Are you ready to go?” Lily nodded. “We are going to disapparate, I need you to hold onto my arm.” Lily grabbed ahold of Dumbledore. There was a rushing sensation, she was dizzy when they arrived at the morgue. “Right this way,” He led her to the room when the five bodies were laid out. “Do you recognise any of them?”  
Lily walked closer to the bodies to carefully look at each of them. When she reached the third body a single tear began to roll down her face. “Mum,” she whispered. More tears began to trickle down her cheek.  
“Lily?” Dumbledore asked. Lily ran over to him and embraced him right as she started to sob. “Hey, hey. Lily, I need you to take a deep breath.” Lily did as he requested until she stopped crying. “I need you to tell me if you recognise anyone else.”  
Lily went back to looking at the bodies, “This one. This is my neighbour, she’s widowed. I’m not surprised that she hasn’t been identified. Her name is Joice. I don’t recognise anyone else though.”  
“Thank you, Lily. Do you know where your father is? Would you like to contact him?” Dumbledore asked.  
“I’ll write to my sister to let her know what has become of my mother. She has asked that I not contact my parents. She says I am too much of a freak.”  
Dumbledore knew that Lily must be feeling hurt. She had no one to talk to, her sister had shut her out. “I’m sure she would understand considering the circumstances.” Lily just shook her head, Dumbledore knew it was not worth arguing about.

~~

Lily went straight to her room. She wanted to be alone, but worst of all she knew she had no other choice. When she entered the room was dark, she slammed the door behind her and lit the tip of her wand. James was sitting on her bed. She didn’t say anything. She just went and sat down next to him. She put her head on his shoulder and began to cry. Cry harder than she ever had before.  
At some point, she must have fallen asleep. She was laying on top of her bed curled up with James. She could feel him breath in and out, it was so soothing. She could tell she was asleep, every so often he would let out a little snore. She nestled up closer to him and fell back asleep.  
“Lily, come on. We need to get up.” James was shaking her awake just like Marlene had done that morning. James handed Lily her glasses, she hadn’t remembered taking out her contacts, but she knew she had considering she couldn't see.  
“What time is it?” Lily asked as she put on her glasses.  
“6:10,”  
“What time does-” Lily started.  
“6:00,” James responded.  
“Fuck, I’m so sorry. You are going to get more detentions because of me.” Lily said.  
“At least we'll be together for them,” James said he had a grin on his face which made all of her worries disappear.

~~  
“Sorry we’re late, Professor,” James said as they entered her office.  
McGonagall didn’t even look at them. “Another weeks detention for the two of you.” Lily and James nodded as they took their seats. “Today you six are going to scrub the entire first floor of the castle along with the fifth years. Here is a scrub brush and bucket of soapy water. Have fun. I will tell you all when you’re done.”  
James came over to Lily, “I need to talk to you while we scrub.” Lily nodded and they went to the great hall. “I need to tell you something, but I need you to promise not to interrupt.” Lily nodded once again. “I broke up with Esme. She told me you hexed her earlier, but I don’t blame you at all. She is a self absorbed bitch, I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner. I’m so sorry for everything.”  
Lily didn’t say a thing. She just smiled. “You know that you missed your big prank that you always pull on Halloween.”  
James chuckled, “I’ll just have to make up for it later.”  
“Potter, knock knock,” Lily said  
“Are you really telling a knock-knock joke?”James asked Lily nodded. “Who’s there?”  
“Needle”  
James smiled, “Needle who?”  
“Needle little help getting through the door,” Lily said.  
James laughed, “God that was dumb.”  
“Oh, like you could do better.”  
James grinned and proceeded to tell a joke. This went on for hours between them until the entire room was clean. McGonagall came in and was shocked by the progress they had made and excused them for the night.

~~

“Oh my god, you did what?” Lily asked with a wide grin on her face.  
James snickered, “I know, that is one of my better pranks.” James was back in Lily’s room, both were sitting crisscrossed on her bed. They had done such a good job in the great hall that they had been excused before anyone else. “Evans, what's the worst thing you’ve ever done?”  
Lily smiled, “Um, well it sure won’t out do yours.” James raised an eyebrow indicating that he still wanted to hear. “Well, when I was eight, I didn’t know I was a witch. So I was playing at the park, you know the one you were at this summer,” James nodded once again. “I used a spell on some kids that were threatening me.” Lily paused, “I ended up dropping a tree branch on them.”  
James mouth was open, “You did that?”  
“Yeah, but it was an accident.”  
James and Lily continued to swap stories for a few hours.  
“Lily, how in god’s name did you get done so quickly?” Marlene asked as she burst through the door unaware of James.  
Lily looked up at her, “The better question is why it took you so long.”  
Marlene saw James sitting next to Lily, “Your three friends are done too, James.” This signalled to James that he was no longer wanted. He stood and left. “No being around James for a while.”  
“What?” Lily interjected, “Why?”  
“He just broke up with his girlfriend, she is going to try and get revenge. If you are around him you are just going to get in more trouble.” Marlene sighed, “I’m just trying to watch out for you.”  
Lily didn’t respond. Instead she stood and began to get ready for bed. “Goodnight, Mar.”  
“Lily, please. Don’t be mad.” But Lily had already turned off the lights.


	9. Colin

_ “Lily,” Petunia said which snapped her out of her trance. “Are you done packing?”  _

_ “Oh, yeah. My room is empty.” Lily said in response. “How is dad doing?”  _

_ Petunia put her hand on her forehead, “Depressed.”  _

_ Lily gave a half smile, “Have we got a buyer yet?” _

_ “No, but there are a few people that have been showing interest.”  _

_ “How’s Vernon?” Lily asked. _

_ “Good, we finished moving in today. What day do you go back to school?”  _

_ Lily sighed, “September first.”  _

_ “Still got one week? You gonna be okay alone?” Petunia asked sounding very insensear.  _

_ “I’ll be fine, are you going to be able to take care of dad?”  _

_ “Yeah, remember that I don’t want you around him. You drive mom strait into the ground , I don’t need you doing any more damage.” _

_ Lily slammed her hands down on the table and stood up, “I didn’t do anything! Are you telling me that being born a wizard made mom die!”  _

_ “That’s exactly what I’m saying! You’re a freak!” Petunia screamed at Lily. _

_ Lily didn’t respond. She pressed her lips together, and stormed out the door.  _

 

~~

 

“Lily,” Remus said. He sat across from her while working on his class work. She was doing the same. “What did you get for number eleven?” 

Lily glanced down at her textbook, “Um, it is used in times of need and will spark hope amongst the people.”

James and Sirius entered the room, “Prongs, you need to stop being so kind to Esme, she is on the team like the rest of us. You have to be just as hard on her.” Sirius said. These arguments had been going on every night after quidditch practice. They had a game coming up so they were practicing every night. 

Lily looked over at them, “Will you two shut it, I’m trying to work.” 

“Evans, you’re always working. How about you take a break?” James asked. Lily ignored James and went back to writing an essay. “Pads, it’s difficult to be tough on Esme when we had a bad break up.” 

Sirius sighed, “Well you’re going to have to man up, you can’t let this get in the way of our team.”

“Oh my god, I’m leaving,” Lily stated as she got up and left. 

 

~~

 

Lily was headed to the library, she always went there when she needed to think.  She sat down across from a fifth year, she recognised him as Colin, he was in Ravenclaw. Lily started to tap her pen, she noticed that he was fairly attractive. She wanted to ask him for help on this problem, but she knew she couldn’t because he was a year below her. 

“Lily isn't it?” He asked.

Lily was caught off guard, “Um, yeah. Colin, right?” 

He nodded, “I was spacing out during class, do you know what the three unforgivable curses are?”

Lily smiled, “Yeah, the killing curse, the cruciatus curse and the imperius curse.” 

Colin smiled back, “Thanks you so much, you’re a real life savour.” 

Lily went back to her work. A few minutes later she realised that she was no longer working, instead she was staring right at Colin. 

Colin closed his book and stood up, “Lily, you seem distracted and I just finished. Would you be interested in playing a game with me?”

Lily closed her eyes for a long second and chuckled, “What type of game,”

Colin was smiling at her, “It’s a muggle game that I used to play as a kid, Life.”

Lily was laughing, “Oh my god you have Life! I love that game, I used to play it with my sister when we were little.”

“It’s in my room, but if you want to play we can in the common room.” Colin said.

“Colin, I’m a Gryffindor. I’m not allowed in there.” Lily said with disappointment. 

“Well then we can sneak you up to my room, my roommates are chill. Maybe they will play with us.” Colin said. 

Lily smiled and stood up, “Okay, but I get the red car.”

 

~~

  
  


“Three kids? How did you manage to get three kids already?” Lily asked Colin. 

“I just hope I don’t land on family vacation,” Colin said in response. Time flew by, they had been paying the game for a hour by the time they finished. 

Lily stood once they cleaned up, “Colin, thank you so much. I haven’t had this much fun in a really long time.” 

Colin smiled at her, “Well, maybe we could do it again, tomorrow night?”

“I would love to, under one condition, we play Clue.”

Colin grinned, “Deal, but don’t come crying to me once you’ve lost.”

“Goodnight, Colin.”

“Goodnight, Lily.

 

~~

 

Lily met Colin in the library again, “Hey Colin.” 

Colin smiled when he saw her, “You ready to go?” 

Lily nodded, “Your room again?”

When they got there two of Colin’s roommates were working on class work.  “You guys wanna play Clue with us?” 

“Yeah, you must be Lily, I’m Max,” he said while shaking her hand.

“ _ Enchante _ Max,”  Lily said.

Colin’s other roommate came over, “William,” he said with a finger wave. “You speak French?” 

Lily smiled, “You know it. Why? Do you, William?”

“No,” William said, “But Colin does.”

Lily turned to look at Collin, “You do?”

Colin dropped the Clue box, “ _ Eh, Oui, _ ” he said with a smile. 

They started the game, the four of them were all very good. Lily knew that Colin must have made his roommates play with him because they were both purebloods but they really knew what they were doing. In the end William won.

“Bloody hell, Will,” Lily said. “How are you so good?”

William laughed, “Only muggle game I’m good at.”

“Will, we gotta get going,” Max said. 

“Nice to meet you Lily,” Will and Max said in unison.

”You too,” Lily said as she waved them off. “I love your roommates,” Lily said once they shut the door. 

“What about me?” Colin joked.

_ “Je t’aime aussi,”  _ Lily said. 

Colin looked into Lily’s vibrant green eyes and leaned over and kissed her. A normal kiss, nothing special, no tongue, no lingering. When they broke apart Colin looked to Lily to see her reaction, she was smiling. 

“I was hoping you would do that,” she said with a grin. 

“I was hoping you would let me,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je t'aime aussi means I love you too  
> Enchante means nice to meet you


	10. The Last Detention

“Evans,” James said as he threw his bag onto the potions table. “You okay? You look exhausted.” 

Lily looked up at him, “Late night is all.” 

“Doing what exactly?” James asked as he took his seat next to her, “Classwork?”

Lily grinned, “You could say that.” 

Sirius spun around in his seat, “That’s not what I heard-”

“What did you hear? Lily interjected. 

“So salty, Evans. Well, I heard that you were  _ frenching _ some guy last night.” Sirius said with extra emphasis on the frenching.

_ “Casse toi, you don’t even know.”  _ Lily said seductively.

“ _ Ta gueule, _ I just made that up, there is no way you were kissing any guy last night.” Sirius said.

“You son of a bitch, you have been able to speak French this whole time?” Lily asked.

Sirius snickered, “Yup, my favourite thing is to listen to your rants in French.” He looked over at James, “God, how could he love her, I’m so much better-” he said as a mock of Lily’s rants that she went off on when Emse and James were dating. 

Lily hit Sirius’ arm, “Did you not understand when I said fuck off before?” 

Slughorn came in and started the lesson. “Did you really say that?” James whispered to Lily.

“Did I say what?” Lily asked. 

James gave a half smile, “That I should be with you, that you’re better than Esme.”

“I might have said something along those lines.” Lily said with a smile. 

 

~~

 

“Bloody hell, you ready for our last week of detention?” James asked Lily as he flopped down on the common room couch. 

“Ugh, you know it. I am so done with detention.” Lily said in response as she sat in the chair next to James. She pulled out her classwork and began working on it. 

“Evans, why do you always have to work on stuff, there are much better things to be doing on such a wonderful day.” 

Lily stopped what she was doing and slowly looked over at James, “What are you talking about? It’s hailing.”

James smiled, “Well I guess I’m just happy knowing that you were jealous of me and Esme.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “The important word in that is ‘was’” 

“What?” James asked as he quickly sat up.

“I thought you knew?” James looked at LIly again with question. “Potter, I have a boyfriend.”

James’ jaw dropped. “When did this happen?”

“Last night. I’ve been into this guy for awhile now. So last night he asked me to be his girlfriend.” James blinked twice, “and I said yes,,,”

“Oh,” James said. “Well, I’m happy for you.” Even though he wasn’t. He was not happy at all. James thought once he dumped Esme he would finally have a real chance with Lily. He didn’t consider that fact that she could get a boyfriend of her own.

“Thanks Potter,” 

 

~~

 

Sirius found James in their room sulking around. “Mate, don’t you have detention soon?”

James continued to stare out the window, “I don’t think I can face her.” James then scrambled to turn around and face Sirius while he remained sitting on his bed. “Did you know she has a boyfriend?”

“What?” Sirius chuckled, “No, that’s not possible. She’s… she’s, well Evans. Your Evans.”

James sighed, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I guess I was wrong, she is always going to keep rejecting me.”

“You don’t know that,” Sirius said as he sat down on James’ bed and put his hand on his back for comfort. “You two were meant for each other, it will work out eventually. I mean, it’s not like she’s going to marry the guy.” 

James gave a half smile, “Thanks Pads.”

 

~~

  
  


“You two actually showed up?” McGonagall asked. “I’m impressed that you remembered. So I only have one thing for you two tonight.” James and Lily both looked at each other and back at McGonagall. “Why were you both late the first night of detention.” 

James and Lily looked at each other again. Lily  pressed her lips together, “James was cheering me up.” McGonagall looked at Lily and nodded, signaling Lily to continue. Lily licked her lips, “My mum died.”

“She was one of the five.” McGonagall stated.

“Yes mam.” Lily said.

“You two are free to go. You two are done with detention for the week.” 

 

~~

  
  


“Evans,” James said as he chased Lily out of the room. “Thanks for getting me out of detention.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Lily snapped. 

“Um, I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” James asked bewildered by Lily’s reaction.

Lily sat down on the steps, “Sorry, my sister had blamed me for our mother’s disappearance, and when you thanked me you just reminded me of that.”

James looked bewildered, “Your mother disappeared?”

Lily nodded, “She went missing over the summer. My family thought she was dead, but when I got to school I still received letters from her. On Halloween when I didn’t get a letter I knew that she was really gone.” 

James tilted his head, “Where was she then?”

Lily wiped a tear from her eye, “I have no idea. Dumbledore thinks she was captured by a rising wizard group.”

“Why would they capture muggles?”

Lily sighed, “The death eaters think that muggles and muggleborns are not worthy to live.”

“This is a real group?” James asked. “It will never catch on, do you know how many muggles there are? Too many to annihilate them all.” 

“Well Dumbledore is really worried about them.” Lily said in response. “He said there leader is very charismatic. He’s like the wizard Hitler.”

James scoffed, “Then why have I never heard of him?”

“The ministry is trying to keep it on the down low.” 

James wiped away the rest of Lily’s tears and held out a hand to help her stand. “You going back to the common room?” 

“Nah, I should go see Colin.” James tilted his head in confusion. “My boyfriend,” Lily said with a smile. 

“Okay Evans, but don’t you forget about me.” James said smiling back at her. He couldn’t help but smile at her. Even when he was crushed knowing that her boyfriend was real. 

“Okay Potter, I promise to make time for you and other marauders.” 

James was caught off guard, “Is that name catching on?” Lily smiled wider indicating yes. “Shit, that name is great.”

“Goodnight Potter,” LIly said. She walked off toward the Ravenclaw common room.

“Goodnight Lily,” James whispered as she turned the corner. 

 

~~

 

James was back in his bedroom with all of his other roommates. “Do you guys know who Colin is?” James asked the room.

Remus swiveled around in his chair, “You mean fifth year Colin? The super smart Ravenclaw?”

James’ eyes were wide, “I really hope it’s not that Colin.”

Remus raised one eyebrow, “Well then you’re out of luck. There isn’t another Colin.”

“Fuck,”

Sirius looked over at James, “Evans’ boyfriend?” James nodded. “Oh, bad luck mate.” 

James rolled his eyes, “Tell me about it.”

Sirius spoke, “You wanna come up with ways to sabotage their relationship?”

James smiled, “You know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casse Toi is Fuck off  
> Ta Gueule is shut the fuck up


	11. Break

Dear Evans, January 30th 1976

Happy Birthday! Bloody hell, you’re 16 years old. Remus told me that you get to drive now, so feel free to visit me anytime. I wanted to get you something, but Sirius said that make you hate whatever it was I got you. So a card, maybe this will make you hate paper, so then you will hate school work. I doubt it will work though. Maybe as an early birthday gift to me you can stop putting me in detention every chance you get. Oh, also I didn’t listen to Sirius and I did get you a gift. (No it’s not me staying as far away from you as possible) It is a locket. I hope you like it, but I understand if you don’t. Well anyways have a happy birthday.

~~Love,~~

Sincerely,

James Potter

 

Lily clenched the small piece of parchment in her hand like it was the last thing real in her world. She sat on the bed in her motel wondering if this really was the last thing that was real in the word. She read through it again and again until the tears had drenched the paper. She smiled when she read the words locket for the last time. She set the paper down and grabbed that same locket she had been wearing around her neck. She had been wearing it around her ankle so James wouldn’t know. Lily loved that necklace, and that note, and the dumb boy who wrote it.

Lily went into the bathroom to wipe the last tears away. It had only been hours since she got of the train with those four boys, but it felt like eternity. She never realised how much she needed them in her life until she was alone. Her family had abandoned her, her sister was to be married and she wasn’t even invited to the wedding. She was completely cut off from her father, in fact she didn’t even know where he was. Lily felt another tear trickle down her face as she went and sat back on the bed. She glanced back at the note, “Feel free to visit anytime,” she read aloud to herself.

Lily packed up her things and threw them in the trunk of her car. She got in the front seat and slammed her head against the steering wheel. The honk echoed through the darkness. “Why did I come home for the holidays?” Lily asked herself. Lily started up the car and drove off. She knew that James lived close to Clocksworth, but she did not know where. This would prove impossible to find him. Lily drove for two hours before she pulled over for gas. “Fuck,” she whispered when she cut herself on a piece of metal. When she got back in the car she dug out her wand. “Tergo,” She said while pointing her wand at her fresh wound. Lily hadn’t even thought about magic, she could easily use the locator spell to find them.

“One hour left,” She told herself as she cranked up the heat in the car. It was a blizzard out there and this was the first time Lily had ever driven in the snow. Lily started the car once again and drove off.

Lily began pulling in the long and twisted driveway. “He lives here?” She asked herself once she began to make out the outline of his giant house.  When Lily reached the end of the driveway she stopped. Lily didn’t move until she had gathered her thoughts. Lily grabbed the note James had written her last year and shoved it in her pocket. She opened her door to be welcomed by a big black dog. “Well hello there, what’s your name?” she asked as she looked for a collar. The dog ran for the house and went in the door. Lily stood and proceeded for the house. Lily lingered at the door ready to knock, “One, two, three,” She with a breath in between each. She knocked three times.

“Evans,” said the lengthy boy on the other side of the door. “Please, come in.”Lily entered into what seemed to be the living room, she was shivering. Remus stood up, he had the closest seat to the fire, which he offered to Lily. Sirius brought her a blanket. James seemed to have disappeared, which troubled Lily.

“Peter go get Lily’s things,” Sirius said. Peter scuttled off to get her bags. “Now, if you don’t mind me asking, why are you here?”

Lily looked at Sirius, “Would you believe it if I said I missed you guys?”

Sirius laughed, “Why are you really here?”

Lily sighed, _“Je ne sais pas.”_

“Well I know you know. You just may not be willing to admit it to us yet.”

James re entered the room carrying a cup of tea. He handed it to Lily  without even looking at her. “Will you be staying here?” James asked.

Lily looked up at James but he was facing away from her, “Will I be permitted to?”

James smiled and closed his eyes, “How did you find me?”

“I guess I’m just drawn to you,” Lily flirted.

“Stay as long as you like. You may stay upstairs second bedroom on the right.”  James said as he walked away up the stairs and made a sharp turn to the left.

 

~~

 

Lily arrived in her room according to the directions James gave her. The room was huge. There was a fireplace that was roaring and a closet the size of her room at home back home. Her stuff was already there. Lily realised that they must own a house elf who had heard of her arrival. Lily threw on her pyjamas and flopped down on her bed. It was soft and warm, it absorbed her body until she had become one with the mattress. Lily sat up, and noticed that a muggle telephone had been placed in her room along with a note.

 

Evans,

Feel free to telephone Colin. I am sure he is worried about you. I know I was, but of course I was one of the few people you told about your family. I am so sorry they have pushed you out, you are always welcome here. My parents will not return for another three days, but they have told me that you are to be welcomed with open arms. If you need anything I will be in the first room on the right. You are also welcome to summon our house elf, Mellody. I will see you in the morning.

-Potter

  
Lily smiled and reached for the phone. She dialed Colins number but hung up on the first ring. She couldn’t talk to him. She thought about James’ letter, “I was one of the few” she read again. “You were the only,” She said to herself. Lily opened the door out into the hallway and peeked her head out. The house was silent, she crept down the stairs and into the kitchen where she made herself another cup of tea. She took the cup back up the stairs, for a brief second she almost went into James’ room. She felt drawn to his room but resisted and went back to hers. She set her tea down on the night stand and dug around in her jean pocket for the note James had written her on her last birthday. She set it next to the telephone and took her locket off and set it on the parchment. “Goodnight Potter,” She whispered as she crawled under the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been hating my last few chapters that I've written, but I am really pleased with this one. Let me know what you think. Do you like the descriptors more? Or do you prefer the conversations?


	12. Notes

“Morning Evans,” Peter said as Lily descended down the staircase.The four boys were eating breakfast. “We saved you a muffin,” Peter said with a smile.

“How thoughtful,” Lily said as she took the empty seat. James still wasn’t looking at her. He hadn’t glanced at her since she showed up on his doorstep. Lily took the muffin, lemon poppyseed, her favourite. “Lemon,” She said directed at James. James smiled without looking at her and went back to eating his breakfast. 

Sirius looked up at Lily, “Did you sleep well?” Lily nodded in response. “So are you ready to tell us why you’re here?” 

Lily dropped her muffin to her plate and spit out what was left of it from her mouth. She looked at Sirius wide eyed, “Well, I guess I got no where else to go.”

Remus set the newspaper down, “Why didn’t you just stay at school?”

“I wanted Dumbledore to think I had my life together,” Lily mumbled. 

James dropped his fork, as it it the plate it made a clang that cast silence through the house. James stood, and for the first time he looked at Lily, “Are you fucking kidding me? Who cares what Dumbledore thinks? You have been through hell these last few months!”

No one moved nor spoke. For minutes all you could hear were the rising and falling of James’ chest. When his breathing slowed Lily knew he had calmed.  “You asked for the truth and I gave it. Would you prefer that I lied and said It’s because I wanted a reason to be with you?”

James stared at her, “Cuts deep Evans.” James went up stairs without looking back. They all heard the water start which indicated that he had gotten in the shower. 

“I need parchment and a quill,” LIly said with haist. Sirius brought some back for her. “Thank you,” Lily said as she ran up the stairs to her room. She slammed the door behind her. 

 

Potter,

Thank you for the generous hospitality. I am very thankful to know you and your family will take me in anytime. I can’t wait to meet them. I have one question for you, why won't you look at me? I miss seeing those hazel eyes stare back at me. Please talk to me. I am already more alone than I’ve ever been. I don’t need my closest friends blocking me out too. Please, you don’t have to respond to this, but if you really want me here just look at me. That’s all I ask.

-Evans

 

Lily snuck back out of her room and down the hall to James’ room. She creaked open the door, to his room. It was empty, the farther she went into the room, the louder she could hear James sing. “He sings in the shower,” she whispered to herself with a smile. She grabbed the quill on his nightstand and added a note to the bottom of the letter.

 

P.S. You sing in the shower?

 

Lily set the note down and took one last look around the room. It was messy, but a clean kind of messy. The type of messy where you could find everything you're looking for but it was all out of place. Lily then saw the photos he had on his bookshelf. She noticed the one was from his 13th birthday, he was smiling along with the other marauders. Lily remembered how James had alerted everyone that his birthday was coming. “Five more days till my birthday,” he would say counting down every day until it came to “Today’s my birthday.” She looked at the photo next to it. It had been taken much more recently. The four boys were all sitting on a dock by the lake. James was messing up his hair and Remus was holding hands with Sirius. Peter was rolling his eyes while looking at James. Lily smiled and set the photo back down. She heard the water stop and left the room. She went back to her room. When she got there Remus and Sirius were sitting in the window seat smiling at her. 

“Why were you in his room?” Sirius asked. Lily was about to speak but nothing came out. “I see, no good reason.” 

“No!” Lily interjected. “I was leaving him a note,” She said truthfully.

Remus smiled, “Like these two?” He held up the two note that had been sitting on her bedside table. 

“Well, yes, but he wrote me those notes.” Lily said as she watched Remus wave the two notes around. “Please be careful with those.” 

Remus looked at Lily and but them back down where he first saw them. “You really do still like him.”

Lily looked up at Remus, “I hate him,”

“You love him,”

“I know,” Lily said with a nod.


	13. Cookies

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. “Potter,” she said wide eyed. James was sitting on the couch by the fireplace while reading a book. 

James smiled and looked at Lily. He really looked at her, almost like he could see into her heart. “Lily, why are you still up?”

“Can’t sleep. What about you?”

James nodded, “Me too.”

Lily sat down next to James. She realised that she was wearing her pyjamas and crossed her arms over her chest. “What are you reading?” 

James closed his book to show Lily the cover, “The Great Gatsby.” 

Lily looked up at James, “Fitzgerald, clever book. I enjoyed reading it last year.”  Lily stood up, “You mind if I make some cookies?” 

James smiled, “Mmmm, I love your cookies. You can only make them if I’m allowed to help.”

Lily gave her smirky smile indicating that she wanted his help. 

 

~~

 

“Half a litter of chocolate chips,” Lily stated as she continued to mix the ingredients. 

James went into the pantry and grabbed the chips, “You know we’re gonna need more than half a litter,” he shouted back at her. 

LIly laughed, “I forgot that you always want it doubled,” 

James brought the bag in and began dumping the chips into the bowl as Lily stirred. “You think this is enough?” He asked.

Lily looked up at James and back at the bowl. She plunged her index finger into the bowl and scoped out a sample of dough and stuck it in her mouth. “Perfect,” She said as James followed suit. Lily began making the dough into little balls while James grabbed the tray. “You know Potter, I think these are the best cookies I’ve ever made. You might have the special touch.”

James chuckled from the pantry, “Evans, never in my life have I made my own food.” 

Lily sat herself on the island in the center of the kitchen. “Oh, I see spoiled little Potter has never had to lift a finger.” Lily said playfully. 

“I’d laugh if it wasn't true,” James said as he moved closer to Lily. “But why should I have to? It is so much easier doing nothing.” 

Lily was almost nose to nose with James, “Well at least I know how to function like a normal human.”

“Lily,” he said as he moved slightly closer to her. 

“Yes James?” she whispered. 

The oven beeped and they jumped back to reality. 

“Cookies are done…” James said with disappointment.

Lily slid off the counter top and grabbed a pot holder. As she opened the oven she spoke, “Thanks for the help tonight James.” 

James pushed up his glasses, “That’s the second time you have called me James tonight, Lily.”

“And the third time you have called me Lily.” She responded with a hidden smile. 

There was a long pause where neither of them knew what to say. This was broken when Sirius came bounding down the stairs. He turned into the kitchen and saw Lily and James standing across from each other awkwardly. He paused and proceed with what he was saying. “Ministry just declared war on Voldemort and his followers.”

Lily and James turned to look at each other before speaking. They asked Sirius many questions before he told them to go turn on the radio of they really wanted answers. 

Sirius ran back upstairs. They heard him enter Peter’s room. Lily went into the living room and tuned on the radio. James came to join her. They sat down on the couch and curled up next to each other under a blanket. Hours passed before they fell asleep on top of each other drenched in their own tears. 

 

~~

  
  


At eight Remus and Sirius descended back down the stairs to find Lily and James asleep. They went into the kitchen where they enjoyed the cookies left over from the night before. 

“I haven't even told them the worst part,” Sirius said as he shoved another cookie into his mouth. “James’ dad was killed last night in the fight.”

Remus nearly choked, “What? Mr. Potter? Dead?” Sirius nodded. “And you haven’t told him?” He nodded again. “Oh, Pads, I’m sorry. He was more of a father to you than Orion will ever be.” Remus noticed a tear roll down Sirius’ face, something he had never seen before. Remus moved over to Sirius and grabbed him right as he collapsed into his arms. “Sirius, I’m so sorry,” he said as he kissed him. 

Sirius looked into Remus’ eyes and felt more tears rush to his. “I love you Moony.”

Remus was crying now, “I love you too Pads.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: white-jily-flowers


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